Who says we're obsessed with others or judgmental?
Decisive, judging yes.

You know, ENFJs make the best teachers, salespeople,
psychologists... we schmooze, we like people, we're
gregarious, we care about others and we get things done!

I totally hear you. i am hard on others and even harder on myself. everything always goes back to how it relates to my values and standards. I've met others like myself and found many of them to be annoying as well as other things.
on the upside. i am very good at helping people with the same values as myself with good advice. which is only a good thing when the recipient wants to hear advice.
I nurture the hell out of people i care about whether they like it or not. it's wanted and received well at least a third of the time. i call that good odds.
when i'm not being hard on myself i see doing things right one third of the time(when it comes to other people) as the best that most humans can do if they are actually trying.